Giving head (i.e., giving someone a blowjob, performing oral sex, going down, etc.) is a classic, fun and intimate way to connect with a partner. It can be an empowering exercise in pleasuring another person or an unexpected raunchy adventure. Giving head can mean something different to everyone, but you want to do it well, no matter how, when, or why you do it, right? That's what we're talking about today!
What comes next (hehe) is not just a guide on how to give head; it's a guide on how to give good head! We're going to go over all the do's and don'ts and all you need to deliver mind-blowing blow jobs that are fun for everyone involved!
Getting Ready to Give Head
No pun intended here, but to give good head, you need to get your head in the game! You want to be mentally into it. Sure, sometimes spur-of-the-moment fellation is fun, but often, you'll want to set the mood, get yourself feeling sexy, and prep yourself for the experience.
Now, blow job prep will be different for everyone. Think about what makes you feel like a head-giving maestro, and incorporate those things into your routine! Is it setting up a comfy area with your supplies ready to rock? Is it thinking about how you'll blow your partner's mind? Is it texting with them to get you both worked up in advance? Whatever works for you, put it into action!
Add a Toy to Enhance the Experience
In the last section, we mentioned supplies. Now, it's not absolutely necessary (at all!) to bring extra stuff to your head-giving adventures, but add-ons can be really fun for everyone.
One of my favorite tips for giving head is to have lube on hand. Sure, mouths and saliva will be involved, but lubricant gets things extra slick, which can feel amazing. A water-based formula is always a safe bet, but blow jobs are a perfect time to experiment with flavoured lube!
Okay, that slippery basic is out of the way, so let's have some fun by incorporating an adult toy! A finger vibe or an open-ended stroker can help take the experience to a whole other level. Now, a sex toy/bj combo can be a delightful way to treat your partner to a sexy surprise, but it can also be super hot for the two of you to discuss things you want to explore and pick out toys together. And remember, you can use adult toys outside of fellatio scenes, too!
How to Give Amazing Head
Okay, now it's time to get down to it. Even if you already know how to give incredible head (and, listen, I believe you totally do!), we've put together this collection of super-fun tips for going down. They'll build on everything you already know about how to give a good blow job. So get ready to level up with our 12 best tips on how to give head!
Mindset Is Everything
Have you ever heard the saying, "Do what you love and never work a day in your life"? For years, I've been lobbying to apply this mentality to blow jobs! Mindset matters for both partners. When recipients are entitled or demanding or when givers are engaging in fellatio that feels like a chore, no one is having fun. So what's the point? One essential step to giving good head is getting in the mood. If it's just not happening, don't force it.
Teasing and Foreplay
What if I told you that you could start a blow job HOURS in advance? Sounds weird, right? But teasing and anticipation can be a huge part of building a satisfying experience, and that can start anytime. Sending your partner a text in the morning about the head you'll be giving them later is a fantastic way to make their day!
As it gets closer to blow job time, you can extend your foreplay by caressing and massaging the thighs and groin leading up to the penis. You can tease your partner by spending some time on your knees in front of them, talking to them before maybe lightly kissing their thighs, stomach, hips, basically, anywhere near their genitals that isn't actually their genitals!
Finally, when it is time for the mouth and penis to meet, it can be hot to go suuuuuuuper slow at first. The anticipation will be nearly unbearable.
Take Your Time
Unless you're specifically going for a quickie, there's no reason to rush—experiment by moving your mouth, tongue, and hands slowly. Turning down the speed can turn up the intensity and create super pleasurable sensations. Be sure to check in with your partner to make sure things don't get too intense!
Here are some motions that can be super intense in slow motion:
- Long licks from the base of the penis to the tip
- Taking the entirety of the penis into the mouth, starting from the tip and then reversing the motion
- Twirling lubed fists around the shaft while gently licking and sucking the tip
Enthusiasm Is Key
Speaking as a sex writer and teacher, something that never fails to surprise people is that the most surefire "how to have better sex" tip isn't some cool trick or some funky move; it's just good old-fashioned enthusiasm! Seriously, sex is not the time to play it cool. Nothing is hotter than knowing that the person you are hooking up with is super into it and genuinely enjoying their time with you. If you want your head game to be the best, don't be afraid to show some enthusiasm and excitement!
Try Different Positions
For the best blowjobs, both partners need to be comfortable, so don't be afraid to change positions! Plus, you can also play with positions just for fun. What position turns you both on? How can you position yourselves to create the specific experience you are going for? There are so many options; don't be afraid to switch it up and try different things. Hot tip: If you've ever been curious about deep throating, hanging your head backward off the edge of a bed can make it much easier!
Dirty Talk
It might sound funny to recommend dirty talk in a situation where your mouth will be, you know, occupied, but it really can be invaluable. Not only can dirty talk be super hot, but it's also a great way to communicate needs and desires and make sure everyone feels safe and their boundaries respected. Not sure where to start? Start simple. "I'd love to suck your cock right now, may I?" is super hot, negotiates consent, and dips your toes in the dirty talk waters all at once!
Eye Contact
One of the easiest ways to turn up the heat while giving head is also the simplest: Look them dead in the eyes. The visual aspect can be a huge turn and increase the intimacy of the experience. You may need to adjust your position to make looking into their eyes work logistically! A good bet is to have them sit in a comfortable chair that reclines. Better angle, better eye contact!
Don't Forget the Jewels
Odds are you know to give lots of love to the shaft and the head of the penis but don't forget the other areas. Check-in with your partner to see how they feel about getting their balls in on the action. Some folks love it, some need it to be super gentle, and for others, it's a no-go area. Either way, it's worth checking in about!
Use Your Tongue and Hands
When giving head, it can be easy to get caught up in the whole moving the mouth up and down thing, and yes, that's part of it, but don't forget to mix it up! Play with different movements and motions. Experiment with your tongue: flick the tip along their frenulum, move the flat part back and forth along the underside of their penis, and twirl it around the head of their penis. And don't forget to use your hands! Lube them up and use them to follow along behind the motion of your mouth, allow them to cradle the balls, or run them all over the body. In short, explore!
Be Responsive
Emphasize the importance of paying attention to your partner's reactions. It'll help adjust your technique to what they enjoy most.
Use Other Sex Toys
As we can see, there are many ways to make good head great, especially if both partners are up for some exploration. Which brings us back to something we talked about earlier: toys! Sex toys are one of the most fun ways to liven up not just blow jobs but just about any sexual activity. Think of it like using a yummy sauce on a food you already love; it just makes something enjoyable even better!
Vibrators are some of the most versatile toys ever, and that's why they can be total game-changers when you're giving head! Depending on what you and your partner like, you can glide it along their shaft, tease their balls, or gently press it against their perineum ('taint) to stimulate the prostate from the outside.
But vibrators are just the beginning. For folks who are into anal play, you can bring in a butt plug or prostate massager. If restraints sound fun, you might want to consider tying up your partner for a long, sensual blowjob where you have all the control. On the other hand, you could go the other way, and they could restrain you and take charge.
What Not to Do When Giving Head
We've talked a lot about what to do to give good head, so let's talk a bit about what not to do. There are a couple of blow job blunders that trip people up, and we want to help you avoid those. Here are a couple of things you want to make sure you avoid doing while giving head:
- Phoning it in: We've been over this, right? Mindset is essential, and enthusiasm makes for an awesome blow job. If you're not into giving head, it just won't be good. We don't love that for you.
- Using Teeth: Once upon a time (at a high school slumber party), someone told us all that the keys to a good blow job were "lick, nibble, suck." Those words of "wisdom" somehow spread beyond that New Jersey rec room because I've been fighting this misconception for my entire career. DON'T use your teeth while giving head. Penises are delicate, and teeth are sharp. Full stop. Just don't do it.
- Forgetting the hands: Yes, when it comes to giving head, the star of the show is your mouth, but honestly, it's an ensemble situation. A good blow job typically involves a whole lot of manual stimulation
- Skipping lube: Coming right off that last point, don't skip lubrication! First off, it helps with the handwork. Secondly, despite what many people think, saliva and lube are not interchangeable. Trust us on this. Your oral game will be next level with a bottle of lube nearby. Try a flavour—who doesn't want to suck on something delicious?
FAQs
What is a blow job?
A blow job is oral sex involving a penis. While it primarily entails stimulating the penis with the mouth, it can also include the use of hands and toys.
What does head feel like for him?
Like any sex act, receiving head feels different for everyone. Many describe the sensation of receiving a blow job as, variously, "warm," "wet," "intimate," and "vulnerable."
