The 21st century has seen some exciting sex-positive shifts. People are more open than ever to exploring new sexual frontiers and activities once considered taboo.
A prime example of this is pegging. From television shows like Shameless, Broad City, and Weeds, to popular movies like Deadpool, this once-risqué sex act seems to have become part of our collective sexual vernacular. Put this all together, and you’ve got a world that’s ready to learn about pegging, and we’ve got you covered!
We’ve put together this pegging guide packed with information, including what exactly pegging is, how to prepare for pegging (like what supplies you need for it), and a lot more pegging tips!
What Is Pegging?
Simply put, pegging is anal sex where the penetrating partner is wearing a strap-on dildo.
Coined by sex columnist Dan Savage in 2001, “pegging” was initially conceived as a way to refer to a cisgender woman using a strap-on to penetrate the anus of a cisgender male partner. Over the last 20 years, the term has become more inclusive. These days it can be used to refer to any sexual coupling where someone puts on a strap-on dildo and anally penetrates their partner.
Why Is Pegging Enjoyable?
People report enjoying pegging for a number of reasons ranging from powerful prostate stimulation to opportunity for power exchange to the simple joy of sexual exploration. Pegging can be appealing on multiple levels, which is why it can be fun to try, especially for couples looking to boldly go where they haven’t gone before.
The P-spot for Men
People born with penises are also born with prostates. The prostate is a nerve-dense gland that can be stimulated via anal penetration, so pegging is an excellent opportunity to show it some love! Stimulating the prostate gland can even trigger incredibly intense orgasms, so, you know, why not?
BDSM Play
BDSM offers many fun ways to explore power exchange, and pegging can be a part of that. A dominant partner can strap up and peg their submissive partner, but why stop at the obvious?
Consider subverting expectations and exploring what happens to the dynamic when the submissive partner is wearing the strap. Putting the pegee on top and in control of the action can be a total power move.
The Giver Gets Stimulated Too
Being the pegger (as it were) has its own benefits. Mentally and emotionally, it can be a total turn on. But physically, depending on the particular strap-on set up in play and the body of the person wearing it, the wearer can also experience clitoral stimulation akin to what one might experience during dry humping.
How to Prepare for Pegging?
Whether we’re talking about pegging for pros or pegging for beginners, it’s essential to take steps to prepare. This will help ensure everyone has a safe, pleasurable experience.
Additionally, for many folks, pegging is a new frontier, and when you’re trying out anything new, you want to take your time, make sure you know where you’re going, and plan well. So here are some steps you can take to start your pegging journey off right.
Talking to Your Partner
Whether you aspire to be the pegger or the peggee, pegging isn’t something you want to spring on your partner. As with any partnered sex act, it’s something that everyone should be on the same page about BEFORE you pick out supplies and get all excited.
Have a no-pressure conversation in a nonsexual context. Explain that you’re interested in exploring pegging and ask if they might want to try it. If they say “no,” you have your answer: pegging isn’t for this partner. Accept that without cajoling, whining, wheedling, or guilt-tripping. If, on the other hand, they say yes, then you can get excited together!
However, this isn’t the only convo you need to have before diving in. Once you know you’re both interested in exploring pegging, you want to make sure that you’re on the same page about the kind of experience you’re envisioning.
If one of you is thinking “total domination peggapalooza,” while the other is thinking “fun giggly experimentation,” odds are your foray into pegging won’t go well. This is why you want to have an open and honest conversation about the vision you have for your experience.
Additionally, you’ll want to discuss your boundaries and limits – this would be a great time to discuss a safe word.
A safe word is a specific word or phrase that signals your partner to stop immediately, ensuring clear communication during activities where you might instinctively say "no" or "stop," even though you actually want to keep going. Often, safewords are words you wouldn’t say during sex, like “digeridoo” or “guacamole,” or you can follow a stoplight theme: red for “stop,” yellow for “proceed with caution,” and green for “go.” Using a safeword helps create a safe and enjoyable experience for both partners.
Strap-On Dildos and Harnesses
Pegging requires a harness and a dildo. You can buy them separately, which gives you the flexibility of picking out a harness that appeals to you visually and that fits perfectly, as well as a dildo that’s your preferred size and shape.
You’ll have a ton of options to choose from. When doing this, you’ll need to be aware of the dildo’s harness compatibility and the o-ring (this is the part of the harness that holds the dildo) size on the harness to ensure everything fits together.
Alternatively, picking a strap-on set is a convenient and cost-effective option. This kind of set is aimed at beginners and pairs a comfortable, adjustable harness with a slim dildo in one cost-effective kit. For folks just testing the waters, all-in-one kits can be a convenient way to see if pegging is for them before committing to their ideal gear.
Lube
You can’t talk about pegging without talking about lube. Honestly, the same can be said about any anal play. Why? Because the anus (unlike the vagina) has no self-lubricating capabilities, so while many say lube is always important, when it comes to anal penetration, it’s an absolute necessity. You have a lot of choices when it comes to lube, so let's take a minute to break them down:
- Water-based: A good, thick water-based gel lubricant like PinkCherry Water Based Anal Lubricant can be good for anal play because it adds a little cushion in addition to slickness. Remember that water-based lubes can dry out quickly, making it necessary to reapply often.
- Silicone-based: Silicone lubes are real workhorses. They last and last. They can be thin and possibly ruin silicone toys. Do your research if you want to use a silicone lube with a silicone toy. Pjur has a well-established reputation for being good with silicone toys. You can perform a patch test on the base of the toy. If the texture of the toy changes after you apply the lube, they’re not a match.
- Hybrid: Hybrid lube is a water-based formula with a touch of silicone. It’s versatile like a water-based lube but long-lasting like silicone; as a bonus, hybrid lubes tend to be safe with silicone toys. Hybrid lubricants also often come in delightful creamy formulas.
- Oil-based: Oil-based lube is often left out of the conversation because many oil-based lubes don’t get along well with vaginas, and all oil-based lubes cause latex or polyisoprene condoms to break. But for anal play with toys? These super-slick, long-lasting lubes can be a great choice.
Trying out different types of lubes to find your best match can be beneficial. Luckily, many lubricants are available in mini bottles or sample packets so that you can try them. You can also do what sex writers do and keep a buffet of lube options in your nightstand so you always have whatever type you want onhand.
7 Pegging Tips for Beginners
When you’re ready to embark on your first pegging adventure, remember these pegging tips to help keep it enjoyable for beginners and beyond!
Communication
By this point you and your partner will already have communicated a lot in preparation for your foray into pegging, but don’t let up. Sometimes folks go quiet during sexy times due to unfortunate misconceptions that talking during sex “ruins the mood.”
Communication is the best way to keep everyone safe, comfortable, and happy and there’s no way that could possibly kill the mood!
Get in the Mood
Speaking of the mood…You’ve done all the talking, bought the necessary supplies, and you’re ready to get down to business. But before introducing your dildo to the equation, take some time to get aroused together. Set the scene, get comfortable, do whatever makes you both feel relaxed and sexy. Whether that means making out, giving each other massages, taking a bath, watching some porn together, or trying out some oral, make sure everyone is good and turned on.
Start with Massaging
For many, the anus needs to be warmed up before penetration. So before you try any kind of penetrative play, spend some time giving the booty a little hands-on love. Suggest easing into the experience with a massage to help relax and build trust before diving in.
Start with some general external massage of the hips, thighs, and buttocks, and slowly work your way in towards the muscular ring around the anus. It's a great way to get comfortable and set the mood.
Positions
When it comes to positions you have a ton of options. Here are some great beginner-friendly ones to start with:
- Doggy Style: This is probably the most obvious recommendation as it puts the receiving partner’s butt front and center. When it comes to anal penetration, it doesn’t get more convenient than doggy style.
The active partner (or pegger) kneels on the bed or floor while the receptive partner (or peggee) gets on all fours in front of them.
- Receiver on Top: Positions when the partner being penetrated are always great from a comfort/safety point of view because they allow them to control the depth and intensity of the penetration themselves. This is the same for pegging!
The partner with the strap-on lies on their back while the receiving partner straddles them and slowly (with lots of lube!) slides themselves down onto the dildo. The receiving partner can experiment with their positioning by leaning forward or backward or planting their feet on either side of their partner and squatting.
The receptive partner lies on their back and the active partner kneels between their legs. It can be helpful to experiment with the leg position of the receptive partner, especially for anal penetration. Raising the legs slightly can help everything line up in a comfortable way.
Another bonus of missionary position pegging is that the receiving partner can place their hands on the active partner’s chest to maintain some control over the depth and speed of penetration.
Lots of Lube
You know you need lube and by the time you’ve reached this point, you should be stocked up. Now – don’t be shy about using it! Slather it on the dildo and on the anus and don’t be afraid to reapply. A good thing to remember about lube is that if you catch yourself thinking “I might need more lube,” you probably already needed more lube a couple of minutes ago. Stay vigilant about lube application. Your body will thank you.
Take Precautions
There are a couple of things to consider when it comes to pegging safety. So let’s talk about it!
- Feces: Honestly, this is often less of a concern than folks think it will be (feces is stored in the colon, not the anal canal), but if you want to be extra careful to avoid poop during pegging, have the receiver shower beforehand. Some folks like to have an enema before anal penetration and if that’s you, go for it, but also know that it’s not a necessity.
- STIs: Reduce the level of STI risk during pegging by using a nonporous dildo (silicone is a great choice), and washing your harness after each use,
- Pain: The skin of the anus is delicate so keep it safe by using lots of lube, moving slowly, and communicating throughout. That said, if the receiving partner experiences bleeding, sores, lumps, bumps, discharge, or persistent pain after pegging, consult a medical professional.
Aftercare
Post-pegging aftercare is more than just cleaning up and moving on. Being penetrated, in general, is a bit vulnerable, and many on the receiving end of pegging may be new to penetration entirely or new to anal penetration.
Additionally, those on the giving may be new to domination, may see pegging as a way to flip the script after a lifetime of being penetrated, or may even see it as a gender-affirming act. This all means that there’s a significant emotional component to aftercare.
Partners should check in to see how each other is feeling. The giver can offer the receiver any support, from verbal affirmation to getting water to checking in to see if they feel physically okay.
Additionally, this is a great time to discuss how the experience was for everyone, if you feel like it’s something you’ll both want to try again, and if so, anything you want to tweak, try, or simply keep in mind for next time.
FAQs
Does pegging hurt?
Pegging should not hurt. Go slow, use a lot of lube, and communicate throughout the experience. If anything hurts at any time, stop what you’re doing. Pain is the body’s way of saying something is wrong, so if you feel pain, listen to your body.
Do women like pegging?
As with anything, some do, and some don’t. Women who do enjoy pegging report finding the experience empowering and enjoy exploring with their partner, as well as giving their partner a pleasurable experience.
Does enjoying anal penetration mean I’m not heterosexual?
No. Outdated notions about masculinity and pleasure have led to stigma surrounding anal penetration for heterosexual men, but it’s unnecessary. Anyone of any gender or orientation can enjoy pegging. It’s 100% up to you and your personal preference.
